A VeryOdd Birthday
by ENZIK
Summary: I hope you all find this humorous. Jin Kazama turns 19 and in order to show their love, his friends and family give him some...very embarassing birthday presents.


Jin Kazama carried his bag over his shoulder as he walked up the driveway of the High School. He wore his usual school uniform and had his hair neatly combed. He pushed the double glass doors open and walked in, looking around for his friends. He walked down the hall a little ways when he felt a pair of hands slap onto his shoulders. Startled, he spun around with a gasp. He gave a relaxed sigh when he saw it was only Hwoarang, his bestest of friends.  
  
HWOARANG: "Hey! Happy Birthday man!"  
  
JIN: "Thanks." (Gives a shy, nervous smile and fixes the strap of his bag over his shoulder)  
  
"Oh, there he is!" A voice said a little bit down the hall. Jin looked to see his girlfriend Ling Xiaoyu, heading his way, with a pretty smile on her face. Upon reaching him she kissed him softly.  
  
LING: "Hi honey, Happy Birthday."  
  
JIN: (kisses back) "Thanks babe."  
  
Hwoarang looked around some, a sly little grin on his face.  
  
HWOARANG: "Hehehehe"  
  
JIN: "What's so funny?"  
  
HWOARANG: "Come here a minute" (grabs Jin by the shirt collar and pulls him away from Ling, until they're out of her ear range. He looks around some more then grins big at Jin) "Alright. I know you said not to get ya anything but, with my best pal in the whole world turning 19 I just couldn't help it so (reaches into his bag and pulls out a small box, wrapped in wrapping paper and hands it to Jin) Happy Birthday"  
  
JIN: "Aw gosh man, ya shouldn't have" (takes it with a shy smile and peels the paper away. In his hand is a red box of TROJANS, extra lasting. He looks up at Hwoarang who has a big smile on his face) "Dude what the hell is this?"  
  
HWOARANG: (nudges him) "Well y'never know what Ling has in store for ya. Always come prepared huh? Huh? Huh?" (wink wink/nudge nudge)  
  
JIN: (Decks him in the face) "Stupid ass" (walks off back to Ling, hiding the box of condoms)  
  
LING: "What was that about?" (asking about the punch)  
  
JIN: "Nothing, he's just being his usual dumbass self" (Hwoarang holds his face and rolls around on the floor dumbly)  
  
LING: "Oh well come on, let's get to class"  
  
Later on they sat in class. Jin sat next to Ling and behind Hwoarang. Hwoarang looked back at Jin as the teacher instructed the class. His nose was bandaged over.  
  
HWOARANG: "You broke it man, how could you? I got a date with Julia tonight!"  
  
JIN: "Shh, I'm learning."  
  
HWOARANG: "Nuh-uh man, just because it's my birthday doesn't mean you can-- "  
  
JIN: (decks him out of his chair) "I said shut the fuck up!"  
  
TEACHER: "Kazama! How rude of you! I'm going to write you a note to the principal!"  
  
JIN: "Sorry Mr. Toriyama. With my Birthday today and all I'm so nervous I have muscle spasms. (As Hwoarang gets upm his foot snaps out and kicks him in the groin. Hwoarang coughs and falls again) See?"  
  
MR. TORIYAMA: "Oh that's right it's your Birthday. I'll forgive you"  
  
HWOARANG: (high pitched voice) "Fucker!"  
  
MR. TORIYAMA: "Hwoarang! I won't accept that language in my class room! Go to the principal's office now!"  
  
HWOARANG: "Nuts." (snaps his fingers and heads out)  
  
JIN: "I crushed yours" (snickers)  
  
Hwoarang flips him off as he opens the door. A second later, Jin's eyes flash red and just like Kazuya did to Heihachi in his Tekken 4 ending video, uses his Devil gene powers to send Hwoarang flying out the door.  
  
JIN: (chuckles) "Maybe my Birthday won't be so bad afterall"  
  
Jin went through 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th periods as normal. His friends sung Happy Birthday to him in each class. Now it was lunch time and he was sitting with Ling, Hwoarang and Julia at a table. Hwoarang had a double patch on his nose and used his legs to squeeze a bag of ice on his groin.  
  
HWOARANG: "Jin that wasn't cool man. I'm aching"  
  
JIN: "You deserved it" (takes a bite of his cheeseburger)  
  
JULIA: "Hey now be nice boys. Jin just because it's your Birthday doesn't mean you can bully people"  
  
JIN: "I'm not bullying people!"  
  
LING: "He's not bullying people!"  
  
JIN: "Shut up and speak when spoken to woman!"  
  
LING: Mmph (pouts and shuts up)  
  
HWOARANG: "Dude, isn't that your dad?" (points over Jin's shoulder)  
  
JIN: "Huh?" (Looks over his shoulder to see his father heading over to him in his Tekken 4 clothes, not his karate pants.)  
  
KAZUYA: "Hey kiddo what's up?"  
  
JIN: "Hey dad. Umm not to sound rude but what're you doin here?"  
  
KAZUYA: "Oh I just thought I'd come see my son on his break since it's his Birthday."  
  
JIN: (smiles) "Thanks pops"  
  
KAZUYA: "Oh yeah, I brought your gift too" (hands him a large box in paper)  
  
JIN: "Cool" (pulls the paper off, to reveal two double thick boxes of TROJANS) "Dude, Dad what the hell?"  
  
KAZUYA: (big goofy smile on his face) "You're 19, I thought I'd prepare you for your explorations as a 'real' man."  
  
LING: "Hmm. Nice gift"  
  
KAZUYA: "Thanks I tried my best!"  
  
JIN: "Wow. Thanks dad. It's really neat"  
  
KAZUYA: "Aw, come here big guy!" (gives him a big fatherly hug)  
  
JIN: "Ack! Yeah..k. Love ya dad" (pats his back)  
  
HWOARANG: "Hahahahahaha! You love your daddy! Hahahahaha!"  
  
Kazuya side-kicks Hwoarang in the face, knocking him out of his seat.  
  
KAZUYA: "Little shit."  
  
HWOARANG: "Ow...my neck. God man why I've been hit 4 times now today. Why don't ya just pour my fuckin lunch on me?"  
  
KAZUYA: "Not a bad idea" (pushes Hwoarang's lunch tray over on his face)  
  
Jin+Ling+Julia: (laugh at him)  
  
HWOARANG: "Assholes"  
  
JULIA: "Hey! I'm not an asshole! That's it our date's off" (storms off, stepping on his nuts on the way)  
  
Hwoarang squeals. Kazuya laughs at him.  
  
KAZUYA: "You squeal like a girl"  
  
HWOARANG: "Your wife in my bed"  
  
Kazuya+Jin: "....."  
  
HWOARANG: "Uh-oh"  
  
Kazuya and Jin proceed to beat the shit out of Hwoarang. Meanwhile Ling looks at the camera and begins speaking, the sounds of Kazuya and Jin kicking Hwoarang's ass is heard in the backround.  
  
LING: "I thought this was supposed to be Jin's 19th Birthday. Why didn't they call it Hwoarang's Bad Day?" (She looks back at the scene as the fighting sounds pick up again)  
  
JIN: "Talk about my momma like that?!" (Finishes it off with a diving elbow)  
  
KAZUYA: "Well kiddo I gotta go back to work. See ya later" (leaves)  
  
JIN: "Bye dad!" (Looks down at Hwoarang) "Get your dumbass up man, you're making a scene" (kicks him)  
  
School ended as a normal day, (aside the boxes of trojans his father and Hwoarang got him). Jin and Hwoarang were walking home from school(actually Hwoarang was in a wheel chair from the serious beating he recieved)  
  
JIN: "I tell ya, this was one odd Birthday. I just wanna go home and sit down to a nice home cooked dinner from my mom."  
  
HWOARANG: "Yeah, easy for you to say. I need nut implants"  
  
JIN: (crossing the street) "Oh calm down Hwoarang, you'll be better by morning."  
  
HWOARANG: "Maybe you're ri--" (A semi crashes into him) "AGH!"  
  
JIN: (turns around) "Hwoarang?" (looks around) "Hmm" (shrugs and continues home)  
  
Jin walked into the door of his house and looked around for his mother.  
  
JIN: "Mom?"  
  
JUN: (from the kitchen) "In here! I'm making dinner! How was school?"  
  
JIN: "Great. Dad stopped by at lunch!"  
  
JUN: "Oh good. I left your present on your bed! You can go open it while I fix dinner!"  
  
Jin smiled and went to his room, dropping his bag down by his bed and looked to see a huge box on top of it with a card. He opened the envelope and read "Dear Jin, I worked really hard to get you this perfect gift for your 19th Birthday. Love Mom. Happy Birthday"  
  
JIN: "Awww" (Pulls the paper away and takes the top off of the box) "...."  
  
Inside, the box was entirely filled with boxes of TROJAN Condoms.  
  
JIN: (clentches his fists, looking up at the ceiling) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
THE END. 


End file.
